Chosen Family Over Toxic Ties: Love Is Practice, Not Proximity

A reflection on redefining kinship — showing how clarity, care, and mutual alignment matter more than inherited roles or expected titles.

Photo by Brittsense

We’ve been taught to assign titles: Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother, Uncle, Auntie… as if they inherently come with love, responsibility, protection and care. But titles don’t guarantee capacity, and they don’t always reflect the truth.

When we remove the title, we’re left with the person. Sometimes that’s the only way to actually see them clearly. Not for who we hoped they’d be or what the title implied they’d do, but for who they are — in action, presence and spirit.

What is a mother who doesn’t mother? A father who never shows up? A sibling who doesn’t know how to hold you? A community member who doesn’t care to see you whole?

Stripping away the title doesn’t mean dishonor, it means clarity. It allows us to name the gap between the role and the reality.

In that gap, we get to grieve, reassign meaning and release expectations that were never going to be met.

A lot of people created life but didn’t agree to nurture it. Showed up for the performance, but not the process. And it’s painful, but also freeing, to admit that.

What I’m learning is that soul bonds don’t always follow bloodlines.

Love isn’t guaranteed by proximity or shared history. It’s a practice. A presence. And a choice.

So now, I’m less concerned with titles, and more invested in alignment.

In mutual care & chosen soul family. Real relationships that nourish, not just name.

Because being called something doesn’t mean being that something.

And I no longer want to confuse the two.

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